Take It Off
by Evil Laugher
Summary: The Saiyuki gang meet a mysterious girl! Well, no, not really. Alternative title: This is What She Saw


I wrote this at about 2 AM at night. It's very dumb, but made sense at the time. I reccommend that you too read it at 2 AM at night. I wanted to share this with the world, and my only wish is that it brings joy and light to the day of one person. Love! None of my miniscule HTML codes worked, so instead I use the ghetto-fabulous underscores for emphasis and the brackets for inner thoughts.  
  
TAKE IT OFF (or "This Is What She Saw")  
  
Suu Mei was working at the inn when the famous guests arrived. Everyone knew who the Genjo Sanzo Houshi-ikkou were: one of the holiest men on Earth, an intermediate between God and Man, and his three devoted, pious followers. Ah, to be blessed by such a visit!  
  
Being a very nosy 18-year-old girl, Suu watched the men closely. Apparently, the four had gotten the crap beaten out of them in another area. They had quickly driven to the nearest town, this one, where they had arrived half-dead. But no matter! Suu only cared about the here-and-now, which was that they were going to be staying for awhile.  
  
Now, Gentle Reader, you may ask, why does Suu care so much about these people? Well, it wasn't just because they were holy defenders of peace and humanity; they were also what Suu would describe as "hot, studly pieces of man-flesh."  
  
Her definite favorite of the four was the Voice of God himself, Genjo Sanzo Houshi-sama. Ah, his beauty and splendour outshone the very sun itself! Deep violet eyes, like the edge of a sunset; luminous, magnificent blond hair, which made Suu, a fellow blonde, wonder what shampoo he used; smooth, porcelain skin, unmarred and without a blemish or scar; and long, thick eyelashes, untouched by make-up (or were they?), to boot. He'd put any woman to shame! So naturally Suu wanted a piece of that. She would ogle at him from the side as he sat in the inn's lobby drinking coffee and eating muffins while reading the newspaper. Her friend and coworker, Chun Mei, would remark, "Dude, he's a monk! You're so going to hell."  
  
Suu made a few passes at the priest, all of which were failures.  
  
Suu: *purrs* Would you like some coffee, Sanzo-sama~~?  
Sanzo: Sure, whatever.  
Suu: *puts down mug* Would you like some.... SUGAR... with that?  
Sanzo: No. Please leave.  
  
The other three, the disciples, weren't as cold and aloof as their master. The first was Cho Hakkai, a polite young man who wore a monocle. No, not glasses. But a monocle. Suu Mei found that quite freaky. He was pretty, but had too much of a geeky, science teacher vibe for Suu to really feel comfortable. The second disciple was Son Goku, a short, hyper kid, possibly mentall retarded with ADHD. Suu wasn't sure. He was cute, but not in "that way". Puh-leaze.   
  
Chun Mei happened to to like Goku. She wanted to take him to a far-off island resort and feed him cookies. Suu shrieked that this made her a dirty perv. Chun retorted "YOU'RE the one that wants to tempt an authority of religion with sin from the path of righteousness!"  
  
Moving along, the third disciple was Sa Gojyo. Now he was hot. Not in a beautiful, Sanzo way, but in a dirty, "I haven't bathed in a while, but I'm still sexy" way. He had long, pink hair. Yes, yes, half-youkai have CRIMSON hair and eyes, as in _blood_. But to Suu, it was strawberry fuschia, and that was that.  
  
Gojyo was friendly; very friendly. He liked to _touch_. a lot. Suu took this as a compliment and as a sign that she was really charming and cute. The poor girl did not know that the man went after anything between the ages of 16 and 32 with two legs and a pair of mammary glands.  
  
Anyway, Gentle Reader, Suu was quite friendly with Gojyo, and could chat comfortably with any of the other group members (except Sanzo, of course). One evening, Gojyo invited her back to Hakkai's motel room (they each had their own) with the rest of the group for a night of harmless recreation.  
The five of them sat around a small table on the floor, brainstorming as to what they should do for recreation.  
  
"Hey, I know what we should do," declared Gojyo with a mischevious grin. He took out a pack of cards. "_Strip_poker_."  
  
Suu giggled to herself. [[Hee hee, he's such a flirt.]] The dear lass naively assumed this had something to do with her.  
  
Surprisingly, the other three didn't object to the offer. Sanzo was confident enough in his abilities, Goku would play anything, and Hakkai was going to win anyway. The latter smiled gently.  
  
"Ne, don't you agree that ladies should be left ouf of this game?" the monocled man suggested. "After all, it'd be rude for her to do that in mixed company."  
  
[[Awww, how considerate!]] Suu thought. She didn't mind not participating, as long as she got to see some hot man-flesh. She didn't put two and two together.  
  
I'm sure you, Gentle Reader, already know the results of five minutes duration into the game. Goku was immediately butt-naked and jumping on the bed. Hakkai was of course fully-clothes. Gojyo was in a pair of boxers, socks, and a wife-beater. Sanzo was only in a pair of jeans; the Blessing of Buddha was not helping him today.  
  
"Nee~, Sanzo-chan, it's your turn," Gojyo drawled.  
  
[[Wow, they're such close friends!]] Suu thought.  
  
Instead of grimacing and growling in return, Sanzo only stared blankly at his cards. Moments later, it was clear why; it was time for him to strip.  
  
"C'mon Sanzo, take your pants off!"  
  
"Like Hell I will!"  
  
"It's not fair for you not to!"  
  
"No! Leave me the fuck alone, kappa!"  
  
Suddenly, Gojyo was struck with realization.  
  
"... You're not wearing anything under that, are you?"  
  
"..."  
  
"... Hakkai... Hold him down. I'm goin' in."  
  
Gojyo quickly scrambled and grabbed Sanzo's skinny, denim-clad legs, while Hakkai held the monk's arms back. Sanzo kicked and screamed obscenities, but to no avail. Goku, still hopping on the bed, didn't want to miss the action, so he jumped into the middle of the battle. Suu was still sitting on the sidelines, and giggled at the boys' antics.  
  
[[Hee hee,]] she giggled to herself as Gojyo straddled Sanzo's body. [[They're so silly! Though this is a bit disturbingly like a rape scene. Hmm...]]  
  
Then she knew why. The scene before her eyes was changing. Not only was Gojyo struggling to unbotton Sanzo's pants, an already suspicious act, but he was nuzzling the man's chest and toned stomach. Possibly in a way involving tongue. Hakkai still had the monk from behind (emphasis on the last word), and Goku was.... Well, let's not think about what Goku was doing. Sanzo's vulgar swears were also changing to more simple cries, such as "Yamete..." and "Iya~~n!" (Oh, the humiliation!)  
  
Suu stared onward with wide eyes, her expression contorted with shock and realization. Oh my god! They're... oh my god! Positions shifted. (Hakkai decided he liked the front too, it seemed.) Suu didn't know what to do. What if she moved and the three youkai noticed her? Would they snarl and attack her, like a pack of wolves devouring prey and spotting nearby competition that might steal their meal?  
  
After a few minutes and clothing articles removed (though Hakkai was the only one noticably different), Suu slowly crept out of the room, leaving behind this Marvel of Art known as the "Sanzo Sandwich". She made sure to shut the door.  
  
Suu ended up spending the night with a young man in a room next door. The poor boy couldn't sleep a wink, due to the sounds of pain and _pleasure_ leaking in through the thin walls.  
  
The next morning, Suu slowly opened the door of the Room of Sin and peaked inside. Three of the men were sprawled about the floor. Hakkai was asleep in the bed; apparently he was left with enough energy to tuck himself in after the activities.  
  
The four of them began to wake. Sanzo yawned.  
  
"Fuck..." he muttered while rubbing a certain body part that must've been very sore from use. "What the fuck happened?"  
  
Gojyo and Goku both stretched and rubbed sore limbs. Neither of them could recall what happened the night before.  
  
Suu was shocked. "Oh shit, you don't remember? You guys-"  
  
"-were attacked by a mob of youkai," Hakkai interjected. "They came in through the window," he added with a solemn nod.  
  
Suu was confused. "Wait, was that after the orgy?"  
  
Four pairs of eyes stared at her. One green pair specifically glared and stabbed at her face.  
  
"Er... I mean the orgy of YOUKAI! Yeah yeah, there was a whole ton of them! They were everywhere! Shit man, they came in 'n' were all GRRR! and you guys were like GRRR! and there was fights and blood everywhere and some ass-beating and..."  
  
The three men on the floor comprehended this and nodded in agreement that, yes, they were in fact attacked by youkai last night. It made perfect sense. Somehow it explained the clothing thrown about the floor.  
  
While they discussed this amongst themselves, Suu slowly backed out of the bedroom, eager to escape and eat some bagels for breakfast. As she moved, she saw Hakkai throw her a smile. Not a gentle "Maa, maa" smile, but a wide one with cold, thin eyes. Suu felt a chill down her spine and knew that she could never speak of this again out of her own life's safety.  
  
OWARI  
  
My friend thinks that I should've named the heroine "Mei Li Suu". I didn't even think about a "Li"! Silly me. I really hate how my non-HTML is even being translated wrong. Someday, I'll figure this bitch out. Anyway, I hope you smiled. *wipes away tear* 


End file.
